Is intuition something I possess? Do I have that inner voice to help guide me through the difficult passages in my life? Do I even know what to listen to? Especially with my hectic lifestyle, full-time job, two boys, husband, garden, and a tendency for perfection. Could intuition help me find my passion?
A recipe for disaster, I know. But I had to try. My health depended on it.
As you already know from my previous post Mondays were something I dreaded. I toned down the dread considerably by rearranging my mornings. That hour when the whole house was still asleep and I did what I loved to do. That hour I was a writer.
After work, my parent role took over and I dedicated that time to provide my family with as healthy lifestyle as possible.
A reward for my efforts; my boys are hardly ever sick, they rarely miss school even when half the class has the flu. I can’t remember what was the last time my husband had a sick day.
But those are the men in my family.
Can keeping in tune with intuition be beneficial to our health?
My health was a completely different story. Strange illnesses piled up one on top of the other in 4 months.
First, it was my lungs. I had a nasty cough that wouldn’t go away for a month.
Next came some strange swelling in my hands and feet when I woke up. I couldn’t wear my wedding ring anymore, I could barely make a fist, and it was a task of its own to put on my regular shoes.
This persisted for a week. I didn’t worry about it too much, since it almost disappeared by lunchtime. I started worrying when a strange pain in the back of my knees prevented me from fully extending or bending my legs. The doctors ruled out a clot but he did run all the tests for rheumatism.
Their conclusion – I was fine. Nothing was wrong with me.
In a week I was back at the doctors with such a severe case of diarrhea they sent me to the hospital.
With every test, I got more disparaged. All the tests were normal. Every last one of them.
How was this possible?
My doctor kept sending me to more specialists (dermatologist for my burning sensation, neurologist, eye doctor… you name it I visited them) but nothing helped. The sensation in my stomach kept getting heavier and heavier. A feeling I got when I just knew something else was wrong.
What if it isn’t physical?
More and more symptoms were appearing. Which started worrying me.
The constant burning on my face and scalp. It began as a blush when I was confronted with an unpleasant phone call or email at work, but it escalated into an all-day thing that wouldn’t settle even when I was in bed. I drank so much water and tea during work hours that I was in the bathroom every hour. It gave me an excuse to cool my face and the back of the neck with ice-cold water.
Then there were my dreams.
I hated going to bed because I knew I’d be waking up exhausted the next morning. Every night, without exception I was dreaming about something. There weren’t a lot of nightmares, but there was about one a week. Other dreams were there to keep my body in a constant state of readiness. Every morning it was the same. My alarm clock would ring and I needed a couple of minutes to get myself out of a daze. There were days when I could barely keep my eyes open.
Then my hair started falling out almost in clumps.
More and more that voice in my gut got louder as it tried to reason with me.
Doctors are wrong. These symptoms are related. Just not how they think.
You’re stressed to the point of burnout.
I spent every last gram of energy at work, trying to keep my head above water. When I got home, I was spent. But there wasn’t time for me to have an afternoon nap. There was dinner to prepare, homework to help with, endless tasks around the house, and the garden.
It was time to see things for what they were.
Listening to my gut was the first step to my recovery.
There had to be something about this. I felt so much better when I devoted that hour to writing in the morning.
Could pursuing my passion also help with my physical problems?
About a month after my last specialist appointment, I ended up in the hospital again. This time for chest pains.
The doctor who treated me was the first who pointed out something my gut had been yelling at me for weeks.
‘You need to rest. Or this isn’t going to be a one-time visit…’
Is he kidding? When do I have the time to rest? was my first reaction.
One Sunday morning, as I sat down to write when the house was still quiet, I listened to my intuition for the first time.
Instead of writing my next chapter, I wrote a list of everything that happened in the last few months. Once I looked at it I was shocked.
Realization kicked in.
What was I doing to my body? I am a mother of two, a wife, a daughter, and a sister. Am I going to push myself so far that I’d be jeopardizing this?
The answer was no.
The next morning, I went to the doctor, reading through the list of my symptoms and I was on sick leave for the next month.
Now I had the opportunity to rest. I slept basically through the day for the next two days.
Then my exploration began.
Being in tune with intuition as a daily practice
What I needed doctors couldn’t help with. Our medicine still doesn’t fully accept the idea of burnout. I was on my own.
I did what I knew best how to do. I dove into research related to my problem.
In a week I came across this podcast that made me look at things differently.
This was exactly what I needed.
I knew about intuition for a long time, but knowing something and practicing was a different thing. Marie explained it so perfectly.
Her instructions were simple:
- Find this gut feeling we all have
- Start listening to it.
She was right. I felt better in the mornings. Writing relaxed me, and my burning sensation slowly started to retreat.
Also, my walks did wonders.
Walking, my thoughts flew effortlessly. As hard as I tried to deny it, it was becoming more and more obvious:
I needed to find a new job.
My expertise was in purchasing. But I didn’t want to do that anymore. I needed to find something that would raise my energies through the day not drain them.
So, what was I passionate about and could I make a living out of it?
It took me the rest of that month to start paying attention to what felt good and what my body had a negative reaction to. I was listening to my intuition.
Listening to an interview with Dr. Tara Swart explained some things I was struggling with :
The subtle changes in our body we should be aware of when searching for our intuition
This should make things more clear:
This is still an ongoing process and I’m getting better at it every day. I use it when talking to my boys, when I grocery shop, and I even tried it when buying clothes. It is amazing how our body knows what is good for us. This is our intuition speaking.
I’ve noticed subtle differences in my body when I’m presented with a decision I have to make.
- If the decision is good for me, my body leans forward, there is this sense of lightness in me, that I can’t explain. It can be a decision I’m frightened to take, and it could involve all kinds of risks, but before my brain kicks in with all the doubts and negative thoughts, this is the feeling I get. And I should listen to it.
- If the decision is a yes, but it feels wrong my body posture changes. I shrink down, my body leans back, and there is this constriction in my stomach, a heavy feeling. This is before the ego bursts in with all the good sides of the choice. This is when I take a step back. Or at least I should.
These are the sensations my body makes when my intuition is trying to communicate with me.
It’s hard to hear it every time in this hectic world, where we’re bombarded with everybody’s opinions about what we should do.
It all comes down to who’s opinion matters most. Our own or other people’s.
I sympathize with you if you can relate to any of what was written above.
Steps to help you with your journey to recognizing your intuition
My journey was long. Too long in some aspects. I should’ve started listening to my intuition a lot sooner.
The steps that I made to find my intuition and may also help you are:
- Taking a good long look at my life
- Writing a list of things that were happening to me
- Started sleeping more – giving my body time to heal
- Started going on long walks without my phone as a distraction
- Getting to know the signals that my body was making when faced with a decision
- Eventually tuning in to what my inner voice was telling me
If you are certain and feel in the pit of your stomach that something is not right, you’re probably right.
Listen to your intuition. Sit down and pay attention. If it’s quiet enough you will be able to hear it.
It may save you from making unnecessary mistakes or help you with something bigger like your health.
Take care,
Until next week,
Ann
